hoLd oN......

My Mood: Lost
Music: Hold On by Good Charlotte

So, it's Wednesday....2nd Feb..yeap...well, this it is. The day my mom is admitted in to the hospital for her surgery...the surgery is due tomorrow. Truth to be told, I'm actually shaking. I'm scared. Very scared. Why? I have no idea...it's not that I don't believe everything will go well...no, that's not it. I'm just...scared...alone....I'm home alone now. I came home to an empty home today. Usually my mom's around. She's not here...she's at the hospital. Tomorrow...I'll come back to an empty home again. She'll be there for at least 4 or 5 days...

Well...I can't explain myself in words...I'm actually crying while I'm typing this. The only thing keeping me sane is this song by Good Charlotte. This is pure hell for me. I wish my brother's here. I need someone to hold on to. Someone to just listen me cry and hold me. My brother will be back on Friday, from his university. At least I just have to live with this loneliness for two days. That's still pretty long.

When I went to the hospital today, to accompany my mom...I was on the verge of tears. But I didn't cry...Good grief, I don't wanna make my mum upset. I pretended to be strong. To be normal. To be cool..inside, I'm not. I was actually shaking and trembling. Yesterday and the day before, I was so shaken that I kept playing the same CD over and over again...the only one that somehow comforts me...yup, Good Charlotte's CD. Right now, the song 'Hold On' is blasting over and over again over my com's speakers...blasting at full mood...which I'm sure my neighbours can hear it...hell,like I care if I disrupt their peace or not. Comforting song...my advice..if you're feeling so low/suicidal/useless/etc...listen to it...

Okay, not to dwell on this sick,sad thoughts...today I had my first quiz for my Marketing Principles and Practices subject. 39/50....ugh..could have done better...oh well,it's just a quiz. Besides, I don't think I care that much about my studies anymore. Hell, life is too good and too short to care/worry so much about studying. Just gonna do my best...give it my all...and leave the rest to God.

So, another thing that sorta adds on to my misery...Arsenal lost! To Man United.....aargh!!!!! Arsenal was leading 2-1 in the first half...but the second half...Man Utd scored 3 more goals....Making the score...4-2....Bloody game...I mean it was a good match...Man Utd were good..so was Arsenal. But bloody hell, Arsenal lost...the first place in the Premier League is now handed over to Chelsea...unless Chelsea falls somehow...Arsenal has to fight for second place. They have to. Man Utd is in second place with two points lead...so, there's still a big chance to catch up. Sigh...I don't have the mood to comment about the match like I always would. I think I'll just comment some other day...

There's actually a few other things I wanna blog about...but I'm not that much in the mood to blog about it..maybe another day. Btw, to my friends, when you read this entry..please don't pour your sympathy on me...I hate that. Just be normal around me...make me laugh,anything to distract me. Don't you guys DARE to bring up this subject(bout my mum) unless I bring it up. I'm not being ungrateful or whatever...but I'm just being honest..that sympathy is the last thing I want..the last thing I need. I'm okay...I'll get over it and heal. I won't do anything stupid..no matter how tempted I am (Lol)....thanks.