faLLing ouT...

When things fall out, there's nothing really you can do, well yeah maybe you can but seriously, you can't really do anything about it. Try to make it right again, pray for the best, talking to the person, etc...if the verdict has already been given out, there's no turning back. It reeks that way.

Over the weekend something unexpected happened and it's just another thing in my life that fell apart. Not that it directly affected me, but in a way it still did. But there was nothing I could do as it was already a settled decision.

And I came to realize today that the current friendships in my life has kinda fell out too. Not entirely, but close enough. A part of me is concern about it and wants to do something about it, but another part of me just wish to let it be. I don't know why I feel that way, but I just do.

I hate getting bogged down by stuffs like this and I don't know why at times I'd let it bug me so much until I'd get a headache over it and cry buckets. Okay, maybe not buckets...but teary-eyed enough. I'm just tired...really tired. Everyone, make that almost, seems to be putting up this facade and just pretending around and...I don't know. It's just so frustrating. Maybe it's just me or maybe not. I think my walls are building up again and I'm getting defensive on myself here. Ugh. I am not making sense. I don't even know what am I trying to put across here.

Honestly, have I matured from before? Have I really learnt my lessons? Have I really understood what I should have understand? I seem to find myself running around in circles at times, coming back to the same point where I left and said I'd not look back. Maybe for some things I didn't, but I suspect there are some that I still am looking back on.

I guess that's why I run away from reality at times. But no matter what, I know I have to acknowledge the fact that reality's still there at my face. And I can't hide from it. But still, running away is not entirely a bad thing, cause for a moment there you can just forget about who you are and where you are and just do whatever you want. You can just free your mind and let yourself be...but of course, it's not exactly a good thing either. So what am I trying to say? Nothing really. I just needed to vent my frustrations out for a little while but I can't reveal much so I'm just leaving it at bits and pieces, jumping from here to there. Lol.