gazillion litre of tears

A while ago, okay not so a while ago, I mentioned of the j-dorama 1 Litre of Tears. So far, I've only gotten to episode 3 and I'm hesitating to watch the next few. Cause every single episode makes me cry buckets! Yesterday was the last straw cause I think I cried my eyes swollen, which has never happened in my history of crying over sad-sappy-romantic-touching-moving-whatever movies/tv shows.

The dorama was based on a true story about a 15 year old girl who had a genetic disease called Spinocerebellar Ataxia. Which is...according to the NINDS is a disease whereby parts of the nervous systems that controls movement are damaged. Basically, the cerebellum and spinal cord is affected, whereby these parts degenerate, or atrophy. With this genetic disease, a person would slowly lose focus of their sight, muscle movement which makes it hard to walk and all, losing the ability to talk coherently and also..not being able to have balance. The starting symptoms are the hardest, cause it truly sucks to slowly lose yourself one by one. Tripping suddenly and falling but you can't stop yourself from falling cause your nervous system reacts too slow for you to put your hands out to stop yourself. Or not being able to pick up stuff which are just right in front of you cause you can't differentiate the distance. Soon, you'll lose almost all sense of yourself and be wheelchair-bound. The cure...is none. That part makes it the hardest for me to actually accept and take it down.

Being only 15 years old, where things are just beginning to happen for you in your life and all, but it's all suddenly being taken away bit by bit in the most cruel way possible. And this is a real-life situation, where it didn't just happen to this one Japanese girl, but to others...all around the world. It's actually disheartening to know of such disease...it's like being given a death sentence, but it's not in immediate effect.

The dorama is based on the girl's notebook which she had written over the period of her disease until she couldn't write anymore. The first 10 minutes alone reduced me to tears. It's just...I don't know. A part of me feels that the people are out there with such diseases are the most bravest people around because they took the stand to fight it and all. And there's another part of me which also feels the pain and the sadness for them. I used to think that cancer is horrible, but coming to know this...

It's incredibly stupid but I'm tearing up right now just as I am blogging about it. I must be the most weak-hearted person in the world with the most emotional feelings. But it really sucks to know such disease actually exists. How it robs people of their life.

After watching episode 3, I stopped and didn't continue cause I didn't think my eyes could take the crying (neither could my heart). However, I stupidly watched the 24-hour TV that the KAT-TUN members recently participated in bid to raise funds for those less fortunate (which they, and other artistes managed to raise over 300million yen/2million USD!) and got myself into another crying session again. First was watching Yuichi and Jin who went to meet and teach the Down Syndrome kids how to dance. It was heartbreaking to see the kids who despite their limitation, went all out to learn the dance moves. One even practiced really hard, even though he fell a few times while trying to practice at home. It makes me feel incredibly embarrassed of myself to be so lazy and always blaming this and that, hell knows what, for something that I can't do or whatever. These kids didn't complain, instead they smiled and practiced dilligently, helping each other and all. Even Jin and Yuichi was in near tears as they watched the kids though they tried to stay calm and collected. And when they finally danced together on stage, I was in awe cause those kids were great! They break-danced, did groovy moves...everyone was impressed.

Then there was the drama for the TV special-Yuuki. Based on another true story as well, which this time, is about the Dissapearing Bone disease also known as Gorham's syndrome. Bones go through a cycle of bone dissolution and regrowth, but with this disease...bone loss occurs and there's no new bone growth either. An extremely rare disease with very few cases recorded. The information is so limited that even I can't look up much info on it either as all the sites seem to have the same repeated basic info. The character, Yuuki, is this absolutely cheerful guy with a very positive outlook. Even when he knew of his disease and had to go through life in the hospital, losing his sight and the freedom he used to love, he was still ever-so enthusiastic. He motivated his friends, encouraged them, instead of the other way around! The friendships he had was just as sweet, and funny as well. But when he became blind permanently...the sadness really hit me then. It was frustrating to see him trying to be brave when he was actually scared. To see his frustration when he pulled off his bandage after the surgery and attempted to see but couldn't... Yuuki died in the end. Predictably, I cried buckets again. The actor who was playing Yuuki didn't help either, in fact it only made it worse.

Moving out of topic here, but seriously, this is the best acting I've seen from him. Not being bias, but really, it's so realistic and believable that I think he really put himself way out there this time. The actor...is none other than my favorite guy, Kamenashi Kazuya.

I cried...bucket-loads yesterday. Gazillion of tears. I think I was pretty much wrecked with all the emotions. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered when was the last time I cried this hard and this much. I woke up today with my eyes feeling really heavy and puffy. And red. My eyes are never red after a crying session unless I had cried for quite a while. And I'm still quite as near the wreck as I was yesterday.