OvEr & dOne wiTh...

My Mood: Relaxed
Music: Utada Hikaru's First Love album

Yes...over and done with...my mid-sems are over! Freedom, well, at least for the weekend. No worries for another 7 weeks...cause right after that would be my Finals. I'm cringing at the thought of it. Sigh...exams. Life would be so much better without it. Lol. So how did my mid-sem go? Four papers...three were okay...another one? Marketing Principles and Practices...I wanted to die. I couldn't finish in time...my final two essay questions were like...half-nonsense. I didn't provide enough back-up statements for my points..which I know will make me lose a few marks. Sigh. Oh well, it's already done and over with. So, I should just...forget it. Right. Right. Forget it. Until the results come back to me. Lol.

Yesterday, was another one of my 'dark' moments. I couldn't really think straight. Music was blasting off the stereo...I was somehow hurting inside. I can't describe what I was feeling. All I know, I felt so low. So so low. And if hurting in the inside wasn't enough, I had to go hurt myself outside. I found out that when you slam your hand to the wall (or any hard, tough surface for that matter), slamming not your palm, but the side of your hand (the little finger side)...it actually has a big effect. If you slam it more than just a few times, hard enough...consistently...it goes really red (obviously) but then it numbs your hand along. You can hardly feel your fingers when you move it. Then after a little while, your last little finger and the fourth one will start to feel the pain. By one hour, your fourth finger will feel like it's bone has been broken or something. The pain is slightly excruciating. It goes away after another hour passes, but the next day...it comes back. You'll really feel like you've broke the bone for that finger. So how do I know? Cause that's what I did. Slamming my right hand into the wall. In fact, I still can feel the pain on my finger right now. However, I'm NOT RECOMMENDING anyone to try this. I only did this...for my own stupid depressive mood. I know it's not right to hurt myself, but where else can I escape? But I do know my limits. Lol.

And I also came up with something...why no one really bothers to care or anything...here's my words...
--You can't feel....so you can't see. You can't see and your can't hear. You can't hear then you can't know. You can't know....cause you never cared--

Then again, I'm fine. Heck, this is just part of me. I can't hide from it....I can't run from it...face it. No one can change anything about it. That's just my life. However, I do know, that one thing...is not to take my life...no matter how tempted I am. Lol. I guess in some way, I still have some sense. That's a good thing at least...lol.