loSt....

"Norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya, sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika..."

There's a sense of lost in me, lately in this past two days, I feel like I don't belong. I belong nowhere. I feel so empty and...unwanted. I dunno why, but I just do.

Sure, I seem okay outside, but inside, I'm not. There's this pain inside of me. It's more like a wound, and it hurts everytime someone or something does something to hurt it again. Then the wound gets worse and doesn't heal itself, when it does heal, it will end up being hurt again. It's like a repeating process...

Right now, I'm feeling that probably because I just don't understand. Am I that unwanted? My brother is still angry at me, for after like...3 weeks and counting... when he comes home and not speak to me, I feel left-out and unwanted. Like I don't belong, cause when he talk to my parents of whatever, I'm left out of it. I just makes me feel, unwanted.

And sometimes my parents don't get me and say words that hurt me even more so. And I don't get the part where why girls who couldn't care less about anyone but themselves are loved and adored by all guys and girls. Why people who are nice always end-up being taken granted? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I so alone?

There's so much that I want to pour right out, but I can't. I'll never get over this. As time passes, instead of getting better, it seems to get worse.

I envy my friends who I know will be studying abroad, overseas, that they will be able to study in a place where they can learn new stuff and culture, people... where else for me, I'm not even sure if I'll be able to continue for my degree. I envy friends who can just get anything they want. I envy friends who seem to be loved everywhere they go. I envy friends who have a 'perfect' life. I can't convince myself to see the better side in my life, everytime I try, I seem to fail. I can't fill this gap in me.

I hate crying. I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry over tears of sadness. If it's for happiness, it's okay. But it's not. It's not. Here I am, crying...letting the tears fall down my cheeks. Will someone please take the tears away?