me...Me...mE....juSt me!

My Mood: Delusional and hyper...
Music: Shut Up! by Simple Plan

Well...I just had two cups of coffee in the past hour..so I'm feeling very much delusional, is that even an English word??Lol...don't care...like I said..I'm delusional and hyper. Yeap yeap yeap.

Hmmm...Today's blog..me! Like seriously. Lol.I realize gosh, I'm pretty weird. Well well, what do you know...Jessica actually has this weird quality trait in her personality...She actually has stupidity listed as one of her best quality traits. What I mean? I realize that sometimes I can be such a 'stupid'...hehe...okay, not to sound to harsh on myself...I think I'll use...doofus. I can be such a doofus, no..not when it comes to studies, although the 'doofus-ness' does rub in once in a while, but I mean when it comes to doing/thinking things. Sometimes I get upset over little things, and when I think back about it...it's actually pretty funny and I'll realize...I was actually angry at something that was actually funny..uh, do I make sense?Lol..And sometimes...I have this 'reaction' to people. Like once, the guy I like was actually in front of my desk and staring(looking or whatever it is he was doing) at me while I was packing my books into my backpack. When I looked up, I found myself looking into his eyes, and wanna know what this doofus kid did? I quickly ducked and pretended I was looking for something under my desk. Good grief, what a doofus. I could've just smiled, but no, I avoid and hide. Lol...Doofus-1 and Jessica-0...Doofus is me,my 'doofus' personality and Jessica is me, but my 'normal' personality. And I do all kind of stupid goofy stuff...I can be so goofy sometimes...ask my friends...whenever the guy I like is near me, I act totally 'not me'....so goofy and doofus. I realize I'm using alot of repetition here...hmm...who cares..I have a reason for doing so...I'm 'delusional' remember???

Next thing about me, I'm changing. I mean as in mentally and emotionally. I think I'm better than I was last year. Well, yeah I know it's still early in the year to say so, but it's true. I manage to stop myself from being so self-concious, though it does creep in from time to time...I manage to stop myself from being pressured by peers easily...however,my slight depression is yet to be solved. When I first heard this song, Shut Up! by Simple Plan..I was like...woah. This is something. This is what I wanna say out loud...but could never have the bloody guts to do so...(yet another trait to be added in as one of my best quality traits...wimpy..lol)For me,this song is like...People...just shut up will you??!!!?!!? Who cares who you are and what you are? Stop telling me what to do and who to be...I'm so sick and tired of it. It's like..nearly my whole 17+ years of life...people keep telling me..you should be more fatter, add more meat to your skinny self...be serious in your life....you should be a lawyer/doctor/accountant...you should try make-up...why you don't wanna go out...bla bla bla...you should be this/that...why don't you do this/that..and what's worst..some like to shove it in your face saying(more like boasting) about how good they are...what they do...I'm like, please, like I wanna care. I used to care and envy them..until I realize...doofus doofus doofus...what am I doing??!?!!? I know some people tells you what to do/who to be as in to give advice..but some...they are telling you all that just to somehow put you down in a so-called nice way. By telling one that he/she should do this/be that..it's like saying...what you're currently doing/being..sucks.

So, I quote...
'Don't tell me who I should be. And don't try to tell me what's right for me. Don't tell me what I should do. I don't wanna waste my time. I'll watch you fade away. So shut up, shut up, shut up. Don't wanna hear it. Get out, get out, get out. Get out of my way. Step up, step up, step up. You'll never stop me. Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down.'

Sometimes..people love to try to change you. And to tell the truth...it's very annoying. I mean, why are you telling me how my hair should be? Who I should be friends with? And the list goes on....ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I admit I abided to all that crap when I was younger, but now that I'm older...sorry, not the same naive kid anymore. So what am I trying to say here is...please, let no one change you from being who you want to be or doing what you want to do, exception; unless it has to do with something illegal/against the law/wrong/very sinful/or something that harms you...I've noticed how some people let their friends control their lives. Question: Do you wanna be YOU or do you wanna be YOUR FRIEND? You wanna be special....or you wanna be same?Who you are is what makes you ultimately special and different..there's no one like you.

Okay, so I also figured another thing. I'm still, STILL, not ready to face the guy that I used to like before. I have no idea why...I just..don't wanna see him yet. Not just him, but also the first guy I've ever like (in Form 2). I think I would probably die if I were to see him with another girl. Till now,this guy...has this amazing effect on me...I still think he's perfect..and he makes smile/inspired...I guess love is truly a teacher. A wonderful one in fact. I love his Christian name...so unique..so different. in fact, his last two Chinese names...if you switch the places..it's the same as my brother's last two Chinese names.Hehe...unfortunately, one thing about him...he's an MU fan...I, on the other hand...a darn-proud Arsenal fan. I guess first love will always be special no matter what, there's no running away from it. You'll always remember the feeling..the person...lol. Actually, I was thinking about posting up his photo...his amazingly cute picture as a prefect...but I decided against it. I'm not crazy..there's no way I'm gonna risk letting the guy stumble in here and see his pic up here in my blog and finding out that this 'doofus' liked him before...lol...hehe.

I noticed I sound pretty...nuts.Lol...excuse me for being so....nutty. I'm actually getting addicted to coffee....I love the smell..heavenly...the taste....oh wow.Hehe. Okay, so upcoming Arsenal match....against Wolves.. for the FA/League Cup. Yeah..go Arsenal! However,another upcoming match(Feb 1)...for the EPL...Arsenal vs. Man Utd. Can't exactly bear to watch that match...but,I'm an Arsenal fan..so...I have to watch. I would love to see them 'pound', 'boil','grill','roast',etc Man Utd....hehe, no offense to all MU fans...it's just me being goofy and nutty again. I wonder if Cesc is gonna play in that match...if he does...boy, do I fear for his life. MU are actually pretty..well..wild when they're playing...their tackles are like...well,superb(some say cheat, but I think MU's tackles are okay sometimes) Cesc is still young and learning...I noticed everytime he gets the ball when he's close to the box..either attempting to pass the ball or to make a shot...the opponents would tackle him and ensure he falls down...Unfortunately for them, Cesc doesn't give up and goes after the ball if he can..and once, his superb ball-handling, got him past like, 3 defenders who were blocking his way and attempting to make him fall and lose the ball. He got past all three before finally falling when another player tackled him. But the ball was alive..it went on for a goal,courtesy of Henry I think. Hah! See...Cesc is amazing...lol...I know my brother will be muttering, 'Course you're on his side, cause you like Cesc..he's your favorite player!' when he reads this entry...hehe.

Another thing about me..I'm actually pretty easy to please/to be happy....how? (Dear friends,this is my hint to you about how to make me happy when I'm sad or to forgive you if you ever make me angry...lol)
One: Arsenal. Just watching them live in action...I can just feel my blood rushing through my veins and feel the hype-excitement...and watching Cesc gives the extra excitement rush.
Two: Good Charlotte. Anything Good Charlotte...especially Billy. I love their video 'Predictable' so much that I would be in awe of the way they play their music...and when the camera goes up close for Billy...I'm like..'Darn..this guy is dark and perfect..the way he plays is...woah.'
Three: Coffee. Hence, the nickname coffeemaverick and also the addiction.
Four: Hershey chocolates. Dark chocolate in particular.
Five: Slam Dunk( the Japanese animation). Although Slam Dunk is quite a long ago anime...I still love it. My wonderful, super-sweet Japanese pen-pal had also sent me a copy of their Japanese version comic book.Hehe...she's also looking out for me for anything Slam Dunk anime related. I just love Rukawa, Mitsui, Sendoh....lol..if you love basketball, this is one anime to watch. I sound ridiculous....I know.
Six: One Tree Hill. I'm so..well..yeah, obsessed with One Tree Hill. I mean, how could I not love them?Yeap, spoken like a true obssesed fan. I've never missed one episode of One Tree Hill's season 1 when it was showing on Malaysian tv. Now season 1 is out on DVD but it's for the U.S and Canada region(Darn it) and so is the soundtrack..super-cool. I don't care, but I'm gonna get the soundtrack..why?Cause the music in One Tree Hill are really cool...they have music from independent artiste to well-known ones. And I love to check out the independent music artistes from U.S.
Seven: One and only...James Lafferty. Star of One Tree Hill...as Nathan Scott.James isn't just some actor...he's a basketball player too. In his high school..he was one of the best and...he was awarded the MVP award...what's MVP?Most Valuable Player. Yup. James is a one hell of a basketball player.Signature move...15-foot, mid-range jump shot.Hehe...
Eight: My parents' smile. It means the world to me.Enough said.
Nine....I think I should stop here...there's actually alot in my 'little pieces of heaven that can be found on earth' list..and I will probably have this blog go on forever! Okay..so I'll end...btw,if my entry sounds not me, as in doesn't seem the same kinda tone/voice that my previous blogs have..keep in mind that I'm still pretty delusional and hyper....lol...

Note: Lyrics of Shut Up! is under the respective songwriters and Simple Plan. No copyright infringement intended. Including the lyrics of I Don't Want To Be by Gavin DeGraw and I'll Be by Edwin McCain. They are all under their respective songwriter/artiste. Once again, no copyright infringement intended for any song lyrics used here.