getting away

A day ago, I blogged about how I missed everything and how I needed to get back to all that I missed. Well, I did.

I spent my time with my parents. Sat down in the living room, for more than a mere 15 minutes, and ate my lunch/dinner. Had conversations with them and my brother. I actually spent more time out of my room than I ever did during the past week I would say. I went out with my mom to Ikea/Ikano today and brought a new side table for my room. I swept my room and the living room. I took the clothes in, folded them. Soaked the dirty clothes, etc. Stuff that I haven't been doing in a while. I bugged my mom to cook something for me, despite the fact that I had my lunch/dinner barely an hour plus ago. Lol.

I sat down and watch tv while reading the newspapers as I munched on something ( I have the tendency to multi-task this way, like my brother does, lol). I had the time to listen to Shinhwa, read up the latest news on them, watch a couple of new clips from their appearance in Japan... I even visited my favorite graphic sites and got a couple news brushes and textures. Designed a new wallpaper for my desktop, which I'm quite satisfied with. I wanted to do a new layout for my blog actually, but I just couldn't decide to have a new layout based on Shinhwa or OTH. Lol.

I feel kind of bad right now, cause I'm actually just pushing myself away from everything else just to get back to the things that I really want to do and love. Pushing myself from...the responsibility(?) that I had, but then I keep thinking, is it really my responsibility? Didn't I gave it my all and did it to very last core, or am I still tied down to it? Thing is, the whole time, I felt it was all...a one-man thing. Sure, everyone helped when it came to the last minute, but when you look at it closely, the responsibilty is still zeroed down to me which is unfair, cause in a group,there's no one-person responsible for all. Maybe that's just the way I see it and some might think I'm dead wrong. But somehow, I feel that I've done all I could and I really would like to just let go and be left alone. I'm tired. Just very tired.

For the first time since the beginning of this year, I'm actually looking foward for my diploma to complete. Maybe the pressure and stress had really took its toll on me this time. I just feel like...getting away. Sigh.

Sometimes I really don't understand myself, then again, nobody really does understand themselves. Our lives are a mystery to others as it to us at times, but sometimes...if we're lucky, we'll find our answers and what we're looking for.