life of darkness

It's scary. Very. It scares the hell out of me and even words can't put it down of that fear. Remember how I said that death scares me? Death of a loved one especially? It scares the crap, shit, whatever you want to put it, out of me. But what really scares me, is the fact that some people, play God, and take the lives of others.

It scares me to know that these people are just people who we see/know/interact with everyday. They are normal people like anyone of us, but because something triggers them, they take another's life away. Life is just thrown away like that.

When I first read about the Columbine HS incident, I thought it wasn't real. It can't be. I mean, they were only teens. And those were their friends. Their high school mates. But it was real. And soon after that, there were a few more. The violence that resulted from bitterness and hate. Feelings that cropped up from loneliness, emptiness and darkness.

I remember crying as I read the coverage back then. And now as I watched OTH covering the same issue, I cried again. It's not funny. It's no joke. To take someone's life. It's not a joke. Neither is taking your own life. I've been wrong as I used to think that taking my own life, is my own right. It's not my right. I don't have the bloody freaking rights to play God. Neither does anyone else.

My heart hurts and cries for those who lost their lives, be it self-suicide or be it being killed. A life that's gone just like that, without even knowing that there's something else out there that could turn things around. I was crying and pleading as I watched OTH, that the guy would not take anyone's life and even more so, not to take his own life either.

It's only a show. Well it's not only show, it's not only a freaking episode of a teenage tv show. It's real. It happened. It's so bloody real that what you watch on tv is nothing compared to what's happening in reality. It's real.

Sometimes life can get so dark and you wonder when the light will come upon you. You wonder if anyone actually cares and if anyone actually notices. Life can get so twisted and unfair...it's a twisting rocky road with lot's of bumps and potholes. You fall and you try to push yourself back up. But sometimes it's not easy. You still need a hand. A friend. A loved one. Simply, you need love.