plain miserable

One minute I was feeling fine, then I feel delusional and high, then I feel frustrated and stressed out, and suddenly I'm upset. I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me until I remembered that my period had decided to come knocking today, a little later than expected. So I decided to blame my mood swings all on PMS, not that I actually trust myself with that explanation. Honestly, I've never really come to see PMS as an answer to all weird, crazy emotions that I have. I still believe in the quote, 'your mood is what it is because you allow it to', or something along those lines anyway.

But really, I'm feeling miserable. Miserable at my stupidity and pathetic-ness. Miserable cause two of my good friends are leaving for Australia, okay, fine...make that three. But the one that really hit me hard was Mags' leaving. Asking her when she was leaving sorta made it seemed like a reality, I mean, I know she was leaving, but somehow in the corner of my mind, as long as she didn't tell me when she was leaving and which uni she'll be going, it doesn't exactly seem real. Am I making sense? Well, it's sort of like if those words never left her mouth then it doesn't seem real just yet. But once she says it, it becomes some sort of...an ultimatum, like it's definitely happening, no taking it back. Some sort like that. And frankly, I hate ultimatums. Lol.

Still, it's all good. They are leaving to continue their studies after all, so it's the very best of luck and wishes to them. Take care of yourself you three...Mags, Chen and Yunn.

I wish Siddhi would tell me if she's coming back this year. I miss bugging her with all my insanity and I need someone to tell me, 'Jess, you drive me insane. But I love you anyway.' I need someone to share some of my crazy frustrations right now, cause they are so long-winded and ancient that telling it to Mel, Mags, Chen, or whoever, takes up too much time and they might get bored of it and me. I miss having that Dave Moffatt (whatever his surname spelling is, I can never be too sure about it even until now) -lover being around, shaking her head and telling me I'm hopeless when it comes to love and guys. Lol.

Sigh. I still feel miserable right now. I need chocolates. Sad to say, my home is currently lacking in those delicious, sinful but yet heavenly, little delights. I need to get chocolates. I cannot be chocolate-less, it's a crime to be chocolate-less! Well, to me anyway. How can anyone not like chocolates? It's crazy and absurd.

I think maybe I need to throw something. Or burn something. Or kill something. Or maybe I just need to calm down and take a deep breath.

Out of topic here, but I really dislike myself sometimes, for all my stupidity and idiocy. Really, I quote myself, 'Your idiocy is simply astounding Jess'. Sigh. It's a really crappy feeling. But it's true. Sometimes as much as I hate to admit it, I can be the most idiotic person around. Trust me, I know. 내가...정말 바보야.정말.

Miserable. Oh forget it, I shall just wallow by watching Spain's recent match against Tunisia while having Korean ramen.