I suddenly feel all life has been squeezed out of me, basically feeling dead. I'm at the point where I think eating dinner is a chore for me to do. All I really want to do is to crawl in my bed with my music and fall asleep. It's not that I had a bad day, I had a nice day in fact, just like yesterday, whereby I hung out with Melissa and a couple of friends at college, attended the degree talk, laughed like a crazy-nut at Matthew and his friends' performance, signed up for my degree without any hitches and had a decent, fun conversation with one of the admin staff. Then, hung out a while at 1U with Mel, talking about our life and high school friends, a very nice catching up time for the both of us. So really, I did had a good day. My final transcript looks beautiful as well, lol, figuratively speaking, with all the nice As and Bs with 3.6s.
And yet I still feel low. I don't know if it's just me being weird, or I'm just tired, or I'm just plain mental. Whichever it is, it's acceptable to me, except that I don't know which is it.
I wish you were here. I wish you were real. Sure, you are real, but I mean real to me. Wish I could talk to you and maybe ask, how did you make it when you were 19? When you had one of the biggest challenges in your life, thrown into an unknown world...how did you bring yourself to survive it? What made you push yourself to work hard and to be the best, despite the low response, de-moralizing reactions, hardships and dare I say it, abuses. How did you become the person you are today? At 19 myself, I am utterly, horribly lost. Confused and frustrated at times. I wish you were here, wish you were real. But like it's said, I wish, wishes don't exactly come true, maybe sometimes, but not always. And for me, it's rather seldom.
I am seriously rambling nonsense here, maybe I really am too sleep-deprived.
No comments:
Post a Comment