ever felt like...

Ever felt like everyone else you know is doing GREAT in whatever it they are doing and here you are, feeling like the least worthy person, okay somewhere around there anyway, whereby you feel absolutely dejected somehow. I just found out my dear cousin will be going to Switzerland soon for her degree (another person to miss...that sucks), while a week ago I found out my brother got offered a place in some international honor society for top students who are equally good in co-curriculum and their studies. Where else I've always been hearing about my friends going here and there for their studies, doing this and that, achieving this and that. I can't help but feel...minimal. I know I have my own list of achievements, things I've done that I can be proud of, but still, I can't help feeling a lil low.

Honestly, I hate myself for being such a wimp at times. I can hardly speak up at times to make myself heard and always fear of falling flat. Why am I so scared? I've been improving a little more so ever since my degree's orientation, but the fear is still there. And fear is the worst enemy anyone can ever have. It stops you from doing what you want, be who you want to be, etc. I am not where I want to be all because I'm just plain scared. And I even fear of taking action for my dreams. Geez. I really need a good smacking. Do I really want to be where I want to be for the rest of my life? Not exactly. I really think that I should kick fear out of my system cause it's really hindering everything.

And so, for the past two weeks I've pushed myself to stay as optimistic as possible and to be responsible. I tend to lose my grip on responsibilty every now and then, but I think I've been handling it pretty fine for the past two weeks. So far, no dark depression lurking, but I seem to have the need to just stay quiet for a while and have a semi crying session to release all the pain that seems to be inside. I don't know what 'pain' is it, but I do know that I need to let it go or I'd go all...cracked again. I think it's better this way though, at least it keeps me emotionally and mentally stable. Lol. I sound like I was previously on crack or some sort. Chocolates work fine to cheer me up though. Twice, when I was feeling really annoyed and another feeling low, I indulged in chocolates and it brought my spirits up, making me feel better. Chocolates are definitely one of my best friends!

Anyway, I was extra pleased when I checked my mail for what seemed like the sixth time in one day, I usually check my mail that often due to some forum stuff and emails from certain friends, and found an email from Amazon Japan. The email was entirely in Japanese katakana which made me go...woah. I barely recognize a few characters here and there. Luckily, there's always Google translation so after copying and pasting everything, the result of the email was that my order has been shipped out today! So in a month's time, the photobook will arrive at my grandma's place. Yes, yes, yes! I am absolutely delighted, over the moon, happy, ecstatic, and all the words in the English vocab that describes happy or somewhat close to it.

Sometimes, I really like the fact that I have this absolute liking, or some would say obssession to which I disagree, for a specific music artiste/actor. I mean, somehow seeing them acting all goofy or whatever, just makes me laugh alot. Or seeing their performances, etc...it just makes me smile. It sounds stupid and crazy and very much delusional, but it takes my mind off the crazy stuff in my life for a moment. At times when I just don't want to talk to anyone, just listening to or watching them would be a good company. And after all the laughter and smiles, I'm ready to take on whatever it was that was driving me nuts. Sometimes, all you need is a good laugh or two to feel better and to take you out of the pits of misery.

And for that fact, to take myself out of my current self-wallow...I am going to allow myself to spam my post with pics of Yuichi.

















I love his smile! How can anyone resist this adorable face? Though the rest of the guys said he looks like a cute mascot for a 22 year old.













And I love the fact he can look hot when he wants to.













And the pretty boy of the group, besides Kame and Jin of course...Ueda.












My jaw half-dropped when I saw him in the PV. He is bloody pretty for a guy.

I thought of spamming with pics of Kame as well, but right now I'm very much into Yuichi cause...cause he's just simply adorable and talented with his beatbox skills. I couldn't help laughing when I watched the Utaban Special which had him beatboxing for the hosts, getting them impressed before one of them asked if he actually farted. Yuichi quickly denied and shook his head vehemently as the rest laughed. He kept explaining that it was all sounds made from the mouth, looking really funny as he did so. Yuichi's not all about beatbox however, he can sing too.His vocal chords are smooth and though he can't sing the high notes like Jin, he's still pretty good in his own way. Yuichi is dreamy...lol, my current dream guy. Though I still love Kame. Hehe.

Credits for images: boyspaper@LJ